I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
