i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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