Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
