Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
