My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
