He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
