Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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