it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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