I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
