i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
