he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize