dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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