I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
