obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Drake has all the answers
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
