Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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