just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I had to cum in my sink.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
