I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
