are you still at the devil's house?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
