I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
