I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
