I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
