Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
