I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
