Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
