Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
