I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
