Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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