can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
