Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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