I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
