Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
