Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
