it's great music for shaving your balls
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
