i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
