overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I need to align my fucking chakras
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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