I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
