we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize