??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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