apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
