I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Randomize