haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
