sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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