just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
