A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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