Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
