how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
