the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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