..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Randomize
