She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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