My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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