He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
