they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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