Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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