he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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