Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
