so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
