How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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