I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
