that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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