Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize