So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
