I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Randomize
