Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
