Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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