I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
