Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
