Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
