saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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