She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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