Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
