Just fell off a train. Bad.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
