that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
