Barsexuality is the new black.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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