She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
