so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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