I can't watch pbs sober anymore
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
