Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
