So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
