everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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